I grew up in a small town and what was unique about my childhood is that the majority of my extended family lived within 20 minutes of one another for these early formative years. We’d gather together regularly for special holidays, feasts and crazy family experiences.
At this young age I never really understood the value or privilege it was to share in these experiences. To be honest, there were times I didn’t want to be a part of these experiences. I felt like too many people knew me for who I really was, and I wasn’t sure if that would ever be enough for them.
Kind of sounds like what some people have to share about connecting with a community of faith, no?
As a father of three young children, I’m being inspired to return to the practice of celebration. There is great value when we support, protect and honour these shared experiences.
1. Support/Love – Families are designed to support and love each other. Both of these habits aren’t always easy to create or achieve. There are internal and external pressures that affect the context families exist in. A family doesn’t always represent a biological connection. Families are clusters of people of different ages who consistently commit to living out life together….families are meant to be people who love one another no matter what.
I long for my own children and for teens/leaders/parents under my influence of leadership to know that they matter. Do I shape the elements of my parenting and pastoring around the postures of love and support, or do I allow productivity and measurables dictate rhythm, pace or design?
2. Protect – Families are designed to protect each other. It’s true that those who are closest to you have the most influence to harm or to help you. As an extended family, gathered around a set of values & principles (like a community of faith), do we fight for things that truly matter, or do we reserve our physical efforts to creating chaos within our familial connections? When people connect with your extending family (community of faith and/or ministry) do they understand that they are being welcomed into protection, or do they live in fear of being seen for who they really are?
Only one person ever lived a perfect life…Jesus. And we still found a way to make fun of him, hurt him, betray him while ultimately killing him. For the rest of us who are less than perfect, maybe we should invest our energy into developing health and growth in one another instead of always focusing on why we might be sick. Would people flourish if they knew they were worth fighting for?
3. Honour – Families honour each other. In my world, to honour means to celebrate. I honour those who are older than me because their lives have helped to shape the current reality that I benefit from. I celebrate my own kids because we all need people who believe in us and will cheer us on. Honouring doesn’t infer that we completely agree with everything that has transpired over time, but it demonstrates that we are willing to overcome our differences and recognize that diversity isn’t meant to polarize us, it’s meant to inspire us. As leaders, parents and people, is our posture one that speaks to defiance, or one that speaks to celebration?
What other roles do you see an expression of the extended family playing in the lives of people?